On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
