Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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