textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
