We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
