Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
