Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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