im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
