guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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