4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
