I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
