i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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