oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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