last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
