Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
