new low.... made out with someone while peeing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
how drunk are you?
Several
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
