hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
