Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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