we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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