Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i out mim tonsoeep
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