Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
