Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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