i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
