my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
