First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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