Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
