you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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