my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
