lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
