shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You took a bar mat shot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
