Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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