i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
