I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
