Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
