Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
