george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
