Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
