I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
