weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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