When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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