I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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