just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
