Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
