I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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