Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
