...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
FUCK WHALES
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
