apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
