You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
