He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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