I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
