I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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