Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
