started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize