I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize