Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
