I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize