My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
