i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
