but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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