Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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