Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
