We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
