If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
