and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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