i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
