sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
