So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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