If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
