Are we in a gay sports bar?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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