You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
