do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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