Girls should come with a carfax report
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
