You're my little dorito
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
