Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize