She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
