Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
