my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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