and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
